Sunday, June 28, 2009

did god put us here simply to solve fear?

i have fear.  

you have fear.

all of us have fear.


my fear is probably more handicapping than your fear, i can assure you.

i'm a fearful dude.  

but what is the benefit of fear?  

obviously there's a survival benefit.  but that's all been discussed by others.

what aspects of fear maybe haven't been fully explored by others?

what about fear isn't even on our radar?

when i sit here in this wicker chair and ask myself with brutal honesty, "what is my fear all about?"  i get a weird answer.

the first answer pops up as this:  fear is spiritual growth that hasn't happened yet.

is that all fear is?  

is fear merely a symptom or reflection of the next obstacle for us to overcome within ourselves?

or a signpost?

if we look at fear more as a signpost, then fear is like a gift.  fear is treasure.  because fear directs us.  fear can direct our energy into a certain area.

right now, the biggest thing i'm fearful of is not being myself in all situations.  

which really boils down to fear of blocking my true self off to the world.  

what does our individual fear have to do with others?

i bet each fear we overcome brings us closer to ourselves, closer to others, and closer to god.  

i bet whoever solves fear solves life.  

did god put us here simply to solve fear?

is fear THE human dilemma?

if we solve fear, are we free?

can fear be solved?

my fear is likely different than your fear, but i bet we've had many of the same fears throughout our lives.  what can we benefit by knowing each others fears.

phil and i are writing a novel about motives.  i wonder if fear relates to motives in ways we haven't thought about.

i want to get back to that idea of fear being spiritual growth that hasn't happened yet.  

let me be very clear:  my biggest fear is not breaking free of who i am to become who i am.  

does this make sense?

have you felt this before?

if i could figure this out, i promise you i'd be a different person.  i'd love to be around you more if i was this new person.  but it's a slow time comin'.  and that's honestly the only reason i'm not totally wonderful when i'm around you.  keep that in mind when i seem down about things.  i'm just being fearful.  it has nothing to do with you.  

i work on this every day.  i'm saddled with this burden in almost every social situation. 

but when i look at it on the computer screen, it seems to easy.  so surmountable. 

fear is spiritual growth that hasn't happened yet.

has it happened for you yet?

1 comment:

  1. You will figure this out! You will be the man you are supposed to be, though he may have different contours than the one in your mind's eye.

    My most gripping fear today is starting over - starting from scratch in my most earnest wish to build a future with a lifelong companion. I feel I was already so close! On that titillating edge of making the decision to spend the rest of my life with one person, and share all the joys and sorrows attendant to that. But today the universe tells me it's not yet time, that there are still crucial lessons to be learned. There is beauty in that. And also great pain.

    Thank you for all you do and especially for who you are TODAY.